Since I discover spirituality, I have fallen into an unknown zone where I discover my talent and gift.  This specific zone has offered me a new perspective in experiencing life. It was totally a whole new experience to me and it was fun in the beginning, but fun is over-rated. About two months ago, something bad had happened and it had changed my life since then.

In every unknown zone we step in, we will discover our true self, strengths, skills, talents and weaknesses. Basically, that’s how we growth and progress in life. From my experiences, any discovery is just a discovery. It will be written in our minds and our diaries but it just a discovery. What’s more important than discovery is how we live our lives after the discovery. It’s like a person who just discovered she had cancer and it is how she live her life that count. So discovery is just a discovery.

And I didn’t do what I was supposed to do after the discovery. I basically didn’t know how to live my life at this moment.

The reason I write this today is for good. After been advised by a friend, I agreed that people especially my readers, my clients, subscribers, followers and my friends should know what is happening to me. Standing on the title “motivator” didn’t make me a human with super motivation energy. I have to be honest to everyone about things that eaten up my life lately. Even thought I have aware what is happening to me but I failed to address it out properly. And because of that, I didn’t know how easy I fall into early stage of depression.

Why is this important for me and for you?

Those who have subscribed my newsletter would realize by now that I have slow down in sending them newsletters. The reason is simple, I coached subscribers via newsletter and I take coaching seriously.

A subscriber asked me, “How do you know what to write?”. It was a great question. Every month I will pick a subject based on my intuitions. Then I will plan the best coaching and method to share with my subscribers. When I write the newsletters, I gave my best positive energy and love through the writing. When subscribers read the newsletters, I’m hoping they get the energy and the teaching. My goal is to get subscribers feel the value of love and life. When they feel it, they would be able to adapt and apply it in life.

What I have gave as coaching in newsletters and what I’m going to give in future is purely with good intention – To help people live a better life and live with love. Good intention should come with love and positive energy. Sadly, I’m lacking of it right now. Even I still have few topics to coach; it won’t work without love and positive energy. So, that’s the reason why I choose to slow down on newsletters.

I may send newsletters but it would be a simple newsletters and e-books for the subscribers. I hope with these, I still keep the ball rolling.

A Confession

I promised a confession yesterday when I posted it my Facebook Page about my decision to slow down in coaching people. Circa two months ago, I saw, I heard and I felt a tragedy. A young girl, who I never met in my life consciously, appeared in my space in the middle of a night and screamed for help. The emotion she brought with her was very heavy, painful and fear. The waves of energy that came onto me that night were big. The images, the screaming and the emotion pains have pulled me into the darkness. Struggling between the images and my own rational thoughts, I was fighting to know what is happening at that moment. Of course, I have no clue what was going on except to follow my intuitions but there was nothing I could do to change her mind. What had happened later was a tragedy for her and her family…and an imprinted of many negative things in my mind. So that’s my theory, an imprinted of unfortunate tragedy that came together with a discovery of gifted soul and mind.

What had happened to me affect my entire being indirectly. At first I was struggling to catch some lights. It was no fun to live in the darkness. When I saved, the trauma was still there. After few healing process, I learned to let it go. However, I didn’t realize that I started to feel constant fear towards many things and this have affect my physical health indirectly too. Slowly, I started to feel emotionally wounded because I felt that I’m losing myself. I have asked for many help including physicians and spiritual gurus but it didn’t entirely solve my whole problem. I’m still lost.

A friend who advised me to take time-out asked me to let-it-go. My biggest problem is I do not know what else to let-it-go. I have concluded that the tragedy was long gone and I have released the hook during the healing process. So what is my actual problem? All I know that my focus on my life has slowly disappeared. My passions in motivation slowly faded away too. I knew the tragedy was the beginning to all this but things that came along the way that makes it worst. Everything seems to be tangled.

And I feel that I have no progress…in life.

What’s The Conclusion?

In order to help people, I must first help myself to heal…completely. This is to avoid spreading the negative energy around. What had happened to me may happen to many people who are in this ‘motivation‘ and ‘self-help’ business. So it is normal to feel negative and depress but it’s my responsibility to give people the best positive motivation. And for that, I have to give myself the best positive motivation first.

With help from friends and healers, I’m getting better than yesterday, a lot better than last week and last months. I’m eternally grateful with the healing. Even though it’s not 100% healing but I am healing and I am walking towards a healthy life again. I will keep updates about it through my blog and Facebook Page.

I gave myself certain period of time to heal completely. I will document my progress and technique of healing and cleansing so one day it could be uses to help people who fall into the same situation or tragedy. What had happened makes me realize that it is so easy to fall into depression and without help, it might ruin our lives.

Let’s consider this a stormy period in my business and my life. When it’s over, I will come out and play under the sunshine again. Thank you to everyone who has sent and who are sending me healing rays, lights and love. And thank you to my friends, family, subscribers and followers who are still walking with me throughout my journey.