After my little confession in this blog, I have been away for healing process. I am still in the healing process and progress is there. Actually there are lots of progresses. Challenges too. I’m going to share with you one of the biggest progress I’ve made last week; my self-love.
After nearly two months in the battle with something inside me, I have less love towards myself. It didn’t mean I hurt myself with objects and create visible scars. When a person have less self-love, things like anger, frustration and fear can easily take over the person’s life. That was what happened to me. I was no longer a happy person. I could easily felt disturbed by small little things like unexplained energy and pain. Mostly I felt fear. Anger came later on. It was easy for me to throw my anger around. I was ‘ugly’.
For a person who always promotes love but not be able to live with love was torturing. That period of tortured have made me sick. Little that I know, I have invited new sickness like nausea and vomiting and also outgrowth whatever illness I already have in me.
So one day I went to the hospital for the follow up. The Doctor was nice but as usual he was referring to my age. Medically, I was too young for the illness. With the ‘mumble mumble‘ about the age, my ears heard but my mind not. Something inside me caught my attention but it was not clear.
After the visit, I have to wait for the medicines in the pharmacy. While waiting, I asked myself silently;
“What have I done that my body have to take all the pain?”. This question put my emotion at rest. No ego. No guilt. No fear. No anger. Just plain wonder.
Then I heard my inner voice spoke to me;
“Your body knows what to do and how to heal. Trust them and love them. We are all with you”
We? Silence. Beautiful silence.
And I felt tears in my eyes. I knew that voice. It’s a same voice that used to speak to me not long ago. It’s my courage. With tears I smiled at myself again. Touched by the visit, I started to smile again to the world.
Before I go to bed that night, I asked again;
“What takes you so long?”
“We were there, waiting for you to give us some space to growth”
And so I did. The moment I put fear, anger and some others negative emotions at rest, even for a seconds, love inside me have found its way to take up the space. I’m eternally grateful that I made positive progress in my healing.
Until to-date, I woke up feeling healthier than yesterday. I am still healing. I am still being challenged every day. I know it will not stop until I completely take over it with Love.
Good bye Anger. Good bye Fear…and Hello Love.