Old Me or New Me?

I have wrote this article in 2010 and posted in my old blog. Since my website is suspended due to hosting unprofessional conduct, I am posting the article again here. I will make some changes but the points remain unchanged.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Dated: Dec 9 2012. 

Have you notice that year 2011 is just three weeks away? Counting days and mark the calendar. If you happen to visit book store, look at diaries section. Diaries and planning books are selling well. Everybody loves the smell of new diary, new planning book. Whoever has bought it, probably has written the names, contacts and birthday. Everybody can easily get excited by New Year and new books. That’s one good spirit!

Anyway, it’s three more weeks to go. Before you write anything on the new book, let’s turn back for a while and ask ourselves this question:

Have I seen myself change since January 2010?

If you do, what have you changed since January 2010? Was it a good change? Was it a bad change? Was it successful changes? Take a moment and write down your answer.

Do Not Fear Changes

I have a friend who has changed her temper, from someone who gets angry easily to someone who looks calm most of the time. Another friend of mine has changed her career line from graphic designing to production and process. It’s a tough change for her because she do not favour interaction with people, but she cope well. I have changed too. I made the biggest changes in my life this year. Unbelievable and I loved it.

Changes are good. It should be good. Changes make you learn new things, adapt new things. Is there any bad changes? Yes it is. If a friend of mine change her temper to something worst like throwing a chopstick to the Restaurant Manager for serving her something she did not order, I would say she have a bad changes.

If you have not made any changes yet, you can start now. If you feel that you end the year without anything change, wake up now and make some change. By the time we walk into 2011, you have already accelerate. Here some guidelines so you know your changes are on the right track.

1) Intention Is Not The Result.

Get this right; good intention doesn’t guarantee good result if we do it the wrong ways. We have to do it the right ways in order to get good results. For instance, you have an intention to change from a drunken man to a person who pray and build relationship with God. If the way you do it is staying at home, lock yourself from society, your friends and pray like nobody business, you are doing it in the wrong ways. Changes we made should be balanced emotionally, spiritually and socially. That will lead to better result.

2) Feel the energy

Good changes will release positive energy. We can feel it. People around us can feel it. They will attracted to our new energy. They like it. We will feel welcome everywhere we go. If people didn’t like our new energies, it could mean two things:

  • The people are not in same vibration as ours.
  • Something is wrong with our changes.

If this is happening to you, figure it out the reasons behind it.3) Do it moderately.

When we feel the energy kicks in, the enthusiasm is rising high, take a deep breath and plan our changes slowly. Everything in this world should be done moderately. Slow and consistent. Small wave shape nice beach compare to big raging wave. Our bodies can adapt slow and consistent changes. So do people around us. It gives us balance and balance is good.

4) Ask people around you

People see more than we see ourselves. We focus is inside but people see the surface. Ask them if you look good as new you. Ask them if your changes give them comfort. Emotionally comfort. The best is to ask your closest friends.

5) Society Gain.

Leave the Changes We Made for the Society to Benefit

We change from time to time to progress ourselves. Progress brings us closer to our purposes of life. By all means, each purpose must benefit the society. The changes we made come with momentum. So make sure the momentum will give good impact to the society and benefit them. If it is good for the society, it is good for you.

Make a good change today. Start small and it will ends big. Be someone better today for tomorrow. Create positive energy and spread it around. Share it with people. By the end of the day, you get to be remembered by yourself and people around you. And by the end of next year, you can close your 2011 book happily before you begin to mark your birthday on your new 2012 book.

Why Do These When We Get Angry?

Yes we do get angry. We are just human. Many people gives many methods to reduce the anger when it exploded but these fives are the common ones. But do you know why we are encouraged do these when we get angry? There are reasons why it works.

1) Wash our hands with running water.
It is a symbolic act of washing out negative energy. It is just as same as we wash our hands before we eat just to get rid of the dirt and germs.

Wash Your Face When You Get Angry

2) Wash our face with running water.
Anger is heat. Try pour water on a heat pan and you will get smokes rise upward. That’s how we change the angry energy. Turn it into something light so it will get out from our body. And guess what, our head are the easiest exit.

3) Muslim was taught to perform ‘Wudhuk’ when they get angry.
Our bodies contain 70% of water, the cooling energy in our lives. What will happen when water meet water? Have you seen two drops of water meet each other? They combine and get bigger. Water doesn’t push water away. The symbolic act helps the water in our bodies to combine with the water from the nature. The cooling energy gets bigger and reduces the heat energy.

4) Walk or stand barefoot on the soil.
We came from the soil and the soil where we return. Another simple act of getting back to the nature for the healing.

5) Standing, Sitting and Lying Down Method.
When we get angry while we are standing, sit down immediately and if it doesn’t reduce the anger, lie down completely. It’s a symbolic stage of getting our bodies nearer to the force of gravity. Remember that heat rise upwards; we go the opposite, which is downwards. Gravity will hold us firmly to the ground and back to our nature again for the healing.

All these acts show us that at the vulnerable moments of our lives, nature is always there for us to get help and restore our energies back. God didn’t create nature for nothing, so use them to reduce our anger, anytime and anywhere.

Breaking Up – Why and The Healing.

Question:

Breaking up from a relationship is painful. What are the best things can be done to heal? Should we try to get back together? Can love growth again after brake up?

Answer:

Yes breaking up is painful but sometimes it could be just the surface of the emotion. Not all breaks up cases are painful to the three elements (mind, emotion and soul). Understand that relationship is not just physical and emotion connection between two people but also soul connection between two souls. It hurts for the physical and emotional being when two people are breaking up but it may not hurt the soul being. This however, depends on the reason for breaking up.

Sometimes break up helps to restore the harmony between two souls. When the relationship is creating gap and the only things that filling the gap is argument, hate, anger, frustration, then break up probably the good thing to do.

If one of the soul change his/her course of love, break up is the best thing to save self from prolonged pain

If one of the soul change his/her course of love, break up is the best thing to save self from prolonged pain

First we have to understand why we are breaking up and what can be the goodness we get from it. I experienced a case where a couple who were married for two years find themselves cursing each other every day and creating more agony than happiness. When both of them choose not to give up their ego and growth love in their marriage, break up is the only way to save their emotions and friendship. However, they remained for another year and they end up divorced in the ugliest way. The result was a war between these two souls. It takes them years to forgive each other. They could save their souls from the pain if they allow breaks up when they are still in state of respect to each other. This is the goodness that many people missed when they see break up is bad decision to make.

My advice is not to let both souls (you and him) go to that path of anger and hate. If a couple believe that happiness and love is still in the relation, then work something out to growth the love back. Love and happiness is not just a belief. It’s a work, progress and action.

Constructive Solution:

Should we try to get back together?

This will always be the best thing to do but with a condition: both of you must let go the ego and the past first. These two elements could block your love from growing again. Love taste best when both couple living in NOW moments and not the past.

Can love growth again after brake up? 

Loves always growth. Love is already in us. If we allow it to growth, it wills growth. Forgiveness is the best act that helps love growth. Forgive yourself for the things that happened. Forgive him for the things that happened. Then move on and love again.

What are the best things can be done to heal? 

  1. Forgive.
  2. Stay in the state of love especially to yourself. Give love to all the things around you and you will get love back. This act is to avoid anger, hate and despair taking over your emotion.
  3. Do things you never have chances to do before. Find yourself back from the activities you desire to do.
  4. Belief that only time, love and your effort to heal will heal you.
Conclusion:
Break up not always a bad decision. Sometimes break up is the best thing to save self from prolonged pain. See the whole situation in the bigger picture and decide if break up is good or bad for both souls. That would help both souls stay connect and respect each other. Most important it save self from anger and hate.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

If you have problems and you don’t have the solution, ask Ladyroses for help.

How to Stop My Nagging Mother?

Question:

I have a mother who likes to nag. What can I do to stop her from nagging? She nags almost about everything including money, her life, her marriage, her children. She just can’t stop it. I am tired with her attitude. What should I do?

Answer:

Listen to her nag. Let me rephrase. Pay attention to her. People nag because they wanted to be heard. They need someone to pay attention to them. They feel that they have been left alone emotionally. They get emotionally insecure. Therefore nagging is one of the way to get an attention.

In your case, she seek attention from the family member preferably someone she believe closer to her emotionally. I know this can be torturing to listen to her nag but the moment you sit with her and start pay your attention, she will stop it slowly.

Give her time to realize that you are with her emotionally. Once she’s emotionally secure, she will stop nags and only communicate with you with love.

Constructive Solution:

Since I do not have much info about the whole situation, therefore I will share my experiences as constructive solution.

I tried this many times. Once I heard the nagging, I asked her if she wants a coffee. I made her coffee. I sat with her and listen to her. Sometimes I throw a little argument to show her that I am listening to her. Most of the time, I just agreed with her. The result was astonishing. There were times we wake up in the middle of the night and sat at the dining table and talk about the life without a nag.

It works for me and it works for my friends. So I believe it should work well on you too.

Remember this: Sit. Drink. Communicate and Love. It’ll do you wonder.

Conclusion:

As much as we need love from our mothers, they need love from their child too. When we were babies, we cry to seek attention from our parents. When we were kids, we roll on the floor just to get attention from our parents. When we were adult, we walk away when they seek attention from us.

Think about it; where’s the love that we should return back to them?

It’s all about love and attention. When you give one, you will get it back even more.

Listen Can Do Wonders. Stop Listening Bring Disaster in Relationship. Picture are from Google Images

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Fix your relationship with your mother, ask Ladyroses for help.

Are You Running On Same Circle?

John Doe have been in his third relationship since 17 years ago. He divorced twice and his third marriage doesn’t seem give any different to him. According to him, he married a woman who carried same trait as his ex-wives. She loves to nag.

Somewhere in Asia, Jane Doe, an owner of a medium size company described her only problem in the organization – spending more time training newcomers than expanding her business. She realized the pattern since two years ago and she’s still training newcomers.

What Would You Feel If You Are Running in Same Circle?

What can you tell from both stories? The answer is they are running on same circle. It gets them nowhere so far and they keep coming back to same matter. If you realize, it took them years to figure it out and yet, they still running on same circle. Aren’t we all are too? So how do we know if we are running on the same circle?

It takes effort to see our lives from different point of view. Not many people love to evaluate their own life. For some reasons, we always thought we are right, therefore we do not need to evaluate ourselves and our lives. We insist that nothing is wrong with us and it always others that do wrong.

If you never mirror yourself, you can start doing it now. It is not to find blame but to improve your life. It is not to self-demoralize but to create progress in life. It is important to know if you running in same circle over these years. If you do, you can figure out how to break the point of the circle and create progress in life.

Spot the Circle.

1) Facing Same Problems

  • It’s easy to find out. List down things you always complaint about in a small book. Bring the book everywhere you go and jot down every single complaint you made. After a week, look back and figure this out: – What are the same complaints you made?
  • Get help from your closest friends. Ask them what are the things you always complaint about? Write it down too.

2) Same Pattern of life.

  • Ask yourself this question: – What are the newest things you have done recently? 

3) Getting Bored.

  • How many times you get bored in a week or in a month?
  • Can you remember when was the last time you told someone that you are feeling bored and tired with your life?

Once you have answered these questions, let’s go for the solutions.

Solutions

1) Solving the Same Problems.

Solving Problems Will Make You Go Forward

Same complaints you made define what’s in your life. You don’t like it. You want to get rid of it. Somehow you believe you can’t because you thought the problem comes from others. Therefore, you make complaint. The more you complaint about certain problem, the more it define how deep it affect your life. Remember, no one complaint about anything if it doesn’t affect her emotionally or mentally.

Understand and accept the problems are the key to the solution. Never run away from it. When it comes to solve our problem, always open up our mind. It might not always be somebody else mistakes. It can easily be ours wrongdoing too. Get ready to accept it. This will also explain why all the previous solutions don’t work and still making us running on same circle. It makes thing easier to fix when we know the real source of the problem.

2) Create New Pattern in Life.

It’s easy to create new pattern in life. Learn new things. Do something you never do before. There are plenty of things you can do in life to fill up the enjoyment in you. When I insist people to learn new things, they always snap at it by saying “I don’t enjoy doing it” or “I don’t have time“. We all know it just an excuses. You wouldn’t know if you don’t enjoy it unless you experience it.

3) Create Progress.

Our soul, mind and body know how to tell us if we do not make progress in life. One of it is they give us these feelings, bored and uneasy. When they eager to create progress but we are doing the contradictory, they will start to shout inside us. That is how we get the uneasy feeling in us. When we didn’t know what is happening, it will make us feel bored with our lives.

Creating progress by progress will make you feel alive. I never heard people who make progress in life feel bored. All I know, they always move forward. After one progress, they create another new one. As far as I concern, they have happy souls with strong mentality. When our soul, mental and body are on same track, we will never get bored.

Finding Peace in You

If you start to feel bored, find a quiet place and feel what’s inside your heart. Talk to yourself. Figure out what makes you bored. Make a progress out of your boredom. Knowing what makes you feel bored is a progress itself. Last, find total closure and create more progress.

Stop running in the same circle. It gives you nothing but boring life. Just like what have been quoted by Robin Sharma “Many people live the same year 80 times and call it a life”. Make a progress and make one now!

__________________________________________________________________________________

Ladyroses offer advises & consultation on life, relationship, personal transformation and more. Please contact Ladyroses anytime via email.

If These People Choose Otherwise

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” ~ Henry Ford

When I was driving yesterday, I have these questions in my mind and I would like you to think about it too. There are simple questions but it may give you big perspective in the answer you find. Here are the questions.

  • What do you think would happen if Susan Boyle decides to continue her sleep on freezing morning and skip her British Got Talent audition?
  • What do you think would happen if J.K Rowling decides to sleep while waiting for her delayed train?
  • What do you think would happen if Stephanie Meyer decides the dream she dream in her sleep is just a dream, so don’t bother to write about it?
  • What do you think would happen if Thomas Edison decides to stop experimenting because he fails many times?

Pursue Your Best Dream.

Susan Boyle struggled with her thoughts whether she should go for the audition or not. Her relatives advised her not too and claimed she will be booed. The weather was so cold and people in the area still under their blankets. She however, decided to go. Despite of taking wrong bus and waiting for her audition slot that took entire day, she carry on doing what she do best – Singing.

Susan Boyle

Susan Boyle knows her calling. She knows what she great at. She goes to the audition not because everybody else goes. She goes because she wants to do what she do best, singing. She knows her strength (her voice) and she overcome her weaknesses by believe in her strength. She is now a singer with 8 millions record sold.

Imagination Is Power.

J.K Rowling didn’t spend her four hours waiting for delayed train complaining or sleeping. Instead, she spends that hours playing with her imagination.

JK Rowling

“I really don’t know where the idea came from. It started with Harry, then all these characters and situations came flooding into my head.” – J.K Rowling

She imagines one character and others came along naturally. She didn’t even write it down. She gets the imagination clear in her mind. She wrote about it when she reached her apartment and she wrote it immediately.

Despite of her poverty and living on state welfare, she never underestimates her imagination and her calling to be a writer. She put that two elements into action and she is now ranked as the 12th richest woman in Great Britain with net worth estimated US 1 billion by Forbes.

Action! Action! Action!

Stephanie Meyer

Stephanie Meyer dreamed about a girl and a vampire. She felt the dream so real and it got into her emotion. She did lie down for a moment to think about the dream but this is what she did next, she put her dream in words. She keeps the dreams in motion by writing about it.

“Though I had a million things to do, I stayed in bed, thinking about the dream. Unwillingly, I eventually got up and did the immediate necessities, and then put everything that I possibly could on the back burner and sat down at the computer to write—something I hadn’t done in so long that I wondered why I was bothering.” – Stephanie Meyer

3 months later, she completed the first book – Twilight. Despite of being rejected by nine publishers, she finally got her deal signed on the same year. She is now worth $125 million and her book has sold 100 million copies worldwide.

Success Lies In Your Failures

Thomas Edison

The best person to represent failure is Thomas Edison. He failed thousands times. Some said six thousands and some said ten thousand times. No matter what was the number, he failed. Does he stop experimenting? No. Does he stop inventing electric light bulb? No. He kept going. His failure doesn’t fail him. His determination ensures every failure he made give him new way to achieve result. Does he fail forever? No because we are now enjoying his invention – The light bulb.

Here the Four key factors everyone needs in order to make their dream come true.

First you must know your passion and calling. What are you good at? What do you love? Many people pick to be somebody else instead of doing what they do best. When they choose to be somebody else, they have no love in what they are doing. That will lead to dead-end road.

Once you know your passion, give your best positive imagination on it. Imaginations are a blueprint. God doesn’t give us a brain that works a mind for no reason. Imagine what you want from your passion. Don’t give negative thoughts a chance to tell you that your imagination is a false reality. Yes Harry Potter is a creation but does Harry Potter Series give false reality to J.K Rowling? You know the answer.

Three, “Ideation without execution is nothing but illusion” – Robin Sharma. This is the part where most people choose not to pursue their dreams because it makes them move out from their so-called comfort zone. Put your ideas into action. Keep on moving. When you create a momentum, there will be results. Stephanie Meyer could just ignore the dream, after all it just a dream. But she decided otherwise. Remember this: What’s motion stays motion. Keep on making action!

Four, setbacks and failure is going to be part of your journey. If Thomas Edison chooses to stop inventing because he failed thousand times, he still goes to fail in others sector. Face the fact, failures are everywhere in our lives. The only different is, when you pursue your dream, your failure looks more obvious than those who fail without dream. So which one is better? Fails when pursuing your passions and dreams or fails because you have no dreams to live?

We are all meant to be somebody so be somebody extraordinary because extraordinary change lives. So I leave you with the questions now and imagine what if these people choose otherwise?

How To Earn Better Position?

Question:

I’ve been working for the company for 12 years. I started as a clerk and I am now a supervisor for the past five years. My starting salary was $600 and now I’ve only earned $1900 per month. I wanted to move up the career ladder but my immediate superior and the management never give me the opportunity to move up as senior supervisor. According to them, I do not have the qualification to be one of the management team.

For the past few years I’ve only get less than $50 for my yearly increment and I felt totally demotivated.

I want to move up so I could earn more than I am earning now. Tell me how would I do that?

Answer:

Too Comfort Will Make You Feel Lazy

No one should be working in the same company for more than seven years unless it’s your own company. 12 years is too long for a person to work proactively. The years you’ve spent under the same environment will make you feel too comfort to move with extra energy. No one is moving proactively when they feel too comfort about something.

Working under the same environment will eventually slowing down your progress too. The best way to move up is to change job from time to time. Stay in a company for five years (minimum three years and maximum seven years), then you should look for better job, better position and better pay. That’s the general idea about moving up the career ladder.

In your case, there could be many reasons why your immediate superior or the management do not want to promote you. It could be no position available, wages cost control and more. It can also be the result you gave them for the past few years ago. When an employee shows his has no motivation, it gives an employer excuse not to reward the employee.

Constructive Solution:

Start looking for a new job that can give you better pay and better position.  Send out your resume as much as you can. I believe 12 years experience in the line you work would give you incredible experiences and wider job descriptions. Use these experiences and start writing a solid resume for yourself.

Tips: Hire an expert to write your resume if you do not know how to express your job descriptions on paper. Show your potential employers that you are entitle for better positions based on your working experiences.

Once you get better salary, equip yourself with advance knowledge. Take courses and get certificates, diploma or degree (if you are up to it). With these papers, no one would question your qualification.

Conclusion:

New job can offer you new experiences, new cultures and new visions. The differences you’ve learned from companies will turn your career portfolio from bronze to silver and to gold.

Working in new environment will give you the motivation back. Make friends with new faces will give you wider perspective about moving up the career ladder.

Skills and experiences are meant to be shared. If the current employer stop paying attention to your contributions (skills and experiences), find a new employer who are willing to pay their attention to you.

All of these are so much better than figuring out why your increment is always less than $50 per year. Give yourself a chance and start it with a new resume.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

If you have problems and you don’t have the solution, ask Ladyroses for help.

How Can I Stop Being A Complainer?

Question:

I’m a complainer. I complained almost on everything. Since I’m getting older, I want to change and become a positive person but I can’t help myself because there’s always a thing for me to complaint. How do I handle this?

Answer:

When you are in this situation, you have to remind yourself that you are just a human. What you have experienced are just these:

  1. Your goal is to be a better person (like trying to be positive thinker, optimistic and so forth)
  2. Then, there’s always a situation that challenge you (like things that make you complaint)
  3. Result: it put you in the middle of ‘being a person you aim to be’ or ‘being a person you used to be’

In these three stages, it is okay to do the first two. It is okay to aim for something better and then take some challenges. Without challenges, you don’t get result. The only things you shouldn’t do is the third stage (putting yourself in the middle).

The reason I suggest not to go to that stage is because we are all human. As human, we can’t run away from being a complainer or a whiner. Putting yourself in the middle will only confuse you. How can I be positive because I just complained?

Stop asking yourself that question.

Constructive Solution:

Keep think positive even after you complained. That the first thing you should do.
Second is to keep a simple record on your complaint. How many times you complaint per day? And what sort of things you always complaint on?
Then, with this record, you will get clear picture about total complaints you made and how many complaints you want to reduce the next day.

Finally, each complaint reduced is a success to you. Each complaint reduced means you are changing to the person you want to be.

Conclusion:

We can write hundreds of pages about ‘complaint’ because complaint makes us feel better at some point.  It also makes us feel good. It’s easy to complaint than to find solution. That’s why people choose to complaint and whine most of the time.

However, if you realize, the feeling good doesn’t last long because the more we complained, the more things happen for us to complaint. That is just a basic knowledge of Law of Attraction.

So if you have to complaint about something, make sure it’s useful to the party you complaint. Otherwise, leave it. It’s good to save your energy for something else.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

If you have problems and you don’t have the solution, ask Ladyroses for help.