Tag: love

Love and Pain Through the Morning Breeze.

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There was a depressing feeling visited me two days ago. I was lying on the bed and there was a pressure wanting to flow but couldn’t and it has no direction to go too.

I picked a book from the office and I went to the living hall. I sat on the couch with the wooden door wide open and I let the afternoon breeze flew in. I didn’t concentrate on the book that much. My awareness was shifting between the book and the depression. The day went like that until I feel tired at night.

There is something beautiful in this process when we allow it to be. After a day feeling depressed, I realised a pattern and possible a trauma that probably still living inside of me. I feel so much Love today and so much pain at the same time. These two seems like dancing in perfect rhythm, not separating.

My body feeling sore. Gently, I moved my body through yoga, stretching through the pain. Morning breeze showered me with unconditional Love, which helped me feel calm. Through the day, I’m seeing more of the trauma, more of the emotional pain that I went through for many years.

Pain and trauma takes time to heal. If you ever go through the same thing, where pain manifested as pain-body, where the pressure feels too much for you… do know that you are not alone. It’s okay to feel the pain. Do know that it comes with Love, just like every shadow has light shining from the other side.

Stay strong! Be gentle with yourself.
I Love YOU, wherever you are ❤

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What is Love?

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I asked many people about Love. What is Love to them?

Is Love a pain? Is Love a desire?

What if Love is everything you experience?

What if Love is You?

The mind may not know what is Love. If you put Love in front of you, the mind will seek the polarity of Love. It will look at the opposite of Love; the unloved. The mind needs to know the duality of everything.

Hence, when you think of Love, you will also think of unlove. That is why some people think Love is complicated especially if they have a compulsive mind that constantly swings between two polarities.

Love is simple. It really is. What’s complicated is our compulsive mind that trying to understand Love.

If you want to know what Love is, go beyond your thinking. Follow your breathing, your body, your feeling, your sensation, your senses, your Soul.

Love begin within YOU.

Observe your experiences. It can tell you many things about Love.

By the way, this is Love. Scones.

If you like my post and the photo-stories, you can Buy Me a Coffee at https://ko-fi.com/roseosman. It will be spent on educations fees and books.  Thank you for supporting me on this journey.

Thank you for reading, I hope this can shed some lights on your journey! Blessing to you all. Comment and share your thoughts with me if you like.

What’s Behind Emotional Eating?

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There is Light and Darkness in everything.

Yesterday morning I told a friend that I feel the need to eat, not because I’m hungry but because I feel there is an emotional need to eat. In the simple terms, we call it Emotional Eating.

I experienced this need from time to time and yesterday’s experience was difference. I noticed that the body doesn’t really want to eat; but the emotions crave for all sort of food that I can think of. At one point, I realise that the body was feeling hungry, but it just wants to settle for a simple food. The mind, which react as a spoke-person to the emotions, thinks I need something super delicious to feed my stomach. As an Undefined Emotion person, this is how my Not-Self avoiding confrontation too.

So, I stepped back and see where this feeling is coming from. There were subtle hatred, dislikes and dissatisfaction that associates with others, that I can’t get what I want on my terms (timing mostly), that I have everything I need at that moment, but it wasn’t enough. And these related to the dissatisfaction and it is some form of inner resistance towards Life.

Between feeling all this and that, there was a void behind all these. The void leads me to understand something; I woke up to a feeling that I don’t know what to do today even though I have lists of things that I need to do. The feeling that there is no flow to keep the energy moving that is torturing to the mind and therefore, set the emotions to feel discomfort.

This is what we do. Instead of sitting with this void and find out what it is, most of the time we have urges to fill the void with something (food, sex etc).

It is ridiculous as it seems, but this is what we all do from time to time and to an extend that we become numb to our emotions.

Instead of believing that I need to go out there and find myself with super delicious food, I let my Awareness figure out where this lead me to. I simply come to these conclusions:

Acknowledge What You Are Feeling.

The dissatisfaction that I feel is real. It probably a dormant feeling that hidden deep inside of me. Since it came up to the surface, maybe it’s time to sit with these feelings and see if it wants to heal.

What the Void Really Is?

The feeling of void and ‘no-flow’ is a classic sign of an Individual Energy Stream (Human Design related). In individual energy, the energy flow moves in pulses. There are days we feel like nothing can be done and there are days, it is moving like a lighting. It is the period of ‘no-flow’ that makes Life seems stagnant and in a void.

The truth is, there is creativity and awareness are fertilising through the process. We don’t see the seed become alive until it grows out of the soil as a sprout, do we? That doesn’t mean the seed is dead. It is the same thing with an Individual energy.

I have one stream of individual and experiencing a Channel of Mutation (60-3) in my Solar Return. I’m pretty much have to learn to work according to the flow. From my experiences, I produced creativity after a period of stagnation.

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The Rise of Human Spirit Consciousness.

We are in the era where the frequency of the Universe is setting us to increase our Spirit Consciousness and Emotional Awareness. The downside of this frequency is emotional eating, which reside in Gate 55 – The Gate of Spirit (Human Design). And Gate 55 is an individual energy that has fear of Emptiness. That’s the void that I feel. Emptiness over something.

If you look at the pattern around the world, this is where many people get obese or experience eating disorder too. How many people are dealing with fear of emptiness?

Now, we can’t escape the frequency because this is not some WIFI thing. This is how Universe govern itself. Being part of the Universe, we can only learn this through evolution and education.

But before we get there, we are just like bunch of babies that turn into our mothers for food and comfort.

So be wise when it comes to emotional eating. You know when you experience it. It’s okay to lose yourself and be emotionally moody about food and everything… but try to experience it with Awareness.

Human Design materials (keynotes and images) are © Copyright 2018 ihdschool and Jovian Archive. All Rights Reserved.

Flying Taught Me One Thing.

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My first flight experience was ten years ago from Kuala Lumpur to Kuching; alone! I was a frequent traveller who took a bus from Penang to Kuala Lumpur or to the south. Not to mention that sometimes I experienced anxiety during travelling. So, imagine what it might do to me when I found out that I have to take a flight alone to Kuching. Out of excitement and invitation, I gained some courage and I decided to give it a try.

I sat by the window and the passenger who sat next to me was a guy. A friend mentally prepared me before the flight. She asked me to chew something, so I don’t get discomfort by the pressure. When she got to the part where “there is a bag if you need to vomit”, boy that triggered the anxiety. Anyway, I did whatever she told me. I thought I will be anxious or worse screaming when the flight takes off or when I had to vomit. Guess what happen?

I clapped my hands with full of excitement and said “Yayyyy!” just like a five years old kid. The guy next to me was surprised by my sudden excitement. I told him “My first time”.

The moment I reached Kuching’s airport, I called my friend.
“I’m not going to travel by bus anymore!” One word at the time.

I love flying, even I do feel a little anxious about it. The feeling is probably collective. Anyway, whenever I fly, I get to see a different perspective on Life.

Human nowadays have the capacity to view life, not just horizontal and from vertical view. Thanks to the Wright brothers for the invention of the aeroplane and people who built the rocket to space. The further and higher we get, the more information field we explore in terms of self-reflecting consciousness.

Try this. When you are in the sky flying, look down at the Earth. This is how nature, the clouds, the birds, the rains, the thunders, the Universe is looking at us. See the Life and feels it. You gonna enjoy the perspectives.

Grief – Who We Actually Miss?

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Last night we talked about Grief. There were noises in the background, but it subsided to almost silent during the conversation. We pondered about grief; why the feeling is heavy and why sometimes we grief over someone who is not even in our inner circle.At that moment, I realised we have the same grief. I lost a friend in December 2016 and I grief till today. The grief is small and sometimes subtle. I know it’s a grief because I would stare deep into my inner space and try to fill the emptiness. Most of the time, the mind is occupied by self-guilt, but space remain empty.I love taking photos of empty chairs. It gives me the sense of space; the same space I’m staring into. Imagine those people who sat on these chairs during the day and they left during the night. If this is how death looks like, what are we missing here?During the conversation, this came out right from my lips. “What we miss is their presence (physical) and now it just an empty space”. We don’t connect much with Souls. We are a physical creature. Physical presence, the body itself make so much difference in this world. That’s what we missed. The rest come and go together with the body including the expression of love, the voice, the touch, everything about the body.That’s the most torturing feeling about grief’; longing for the body to be around. However, if we take grief with a touch of Spirituality, we would understand that Space is never Empty. The presence is always there. The essence of the energy body is right there. It’s just they appeared in a different form.Whenever I see empty chairs, I feel a deep sense of Peace and I would capture the moments through the lens. It’s okay to grieve. I no longer shed tears over her passing. I don’t think I even have tears to grieve. All I do is accepting the space I feel whenever I think of her.

That space is Love. I wish her Peace, wherever she is now.

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Let’s Talk About Human Design.

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Yesterday someone asked my what do I do as a life coach, so I decided to share this knowledge that I used for my coaching, it’s call Human Design System. Here goes!

Image from http://www.jovianarchive.com

I bet my readers from the Western countries already open to the knowledge of Human Design. For us, in Asian, Human Design is quite new. If I didn’t hang out with my Western friends in the public forum like corefreedom.com, I wouldn’t know such knowledge.

Nevertheless, let’s talk about Human Design. Let’s go the way others didn’t go.

The Energetic Fingerprint.

We all know that our finger prints are different. But when people tell us we all are the same in sense of will power, motivation, behavior, thinking and reaction towards achieving success; we kinda settle for the idea. And because of it, we struggle to be like others. We want to fit in.

The problem about fitting in is, it pulls us away from being our Authentic Self. In order to fit in, one must be completely like the others. Otherwise, we fail to fit in! And we think our problem (when we can’t fit in) is because we are less than others. It’s sad to think that way. Not to mention the struggles and failures!

It all happen because we do not know our Authenticity.

Our finger prints are our Authenticity. We cannot alter it. But finger prints are physical manifestation of our Authentic Self. What about non-physical authenticity? How do we know our differences?

Do You Know Your Authenticity Self?

I’ve been searching for my authenticity for years. First, I know that I’m an Empath. But how I define Empath, energetically? How does Empath actually look like energetically? Then I discovered that I’m intuitive. Which part of me can defined that?

Thanks to Human Design, which I discovered in 2013, lay out a blueprint of my energetic designs. In that chart, I know what I am, what’s my domain personality, how my energy body flows, where it should go, what I shouldn’t do (it is all energetically speaking) and what are my roles in this world? It tells me why I am here and what I can do to live my life to the fullest?

Because of Human Design, I know the Empath trait in me, I found out why I’m intuitive. And I also came to acknowledge why people think I’m kinda annoyed and freak! And I don’t feel sorry for myself anymore. In fact, I’m loving every part of me, from the mind to the Soul.

So long story short, Human Design is a Science of Differentiation between human. The differences can be in many ways and all is shown in a simple Rave Chart (well! It’s not that simple anyway).

What Made Human Design System Mostly Accurate?

Human Design are the combination of modern and traditional knowledge, which consists of Astrology, the Kabbalah, the I`Ching (which the 64 gates come from) and the Chakra System. The part where the modern science came in is the reading of the Genetic Code. You can read more of the explanation in the Internet.

As a human being, we are very complex creature. There is no simple way to explain our being without combination from all aspects including the inner aspect like the genetic codons, the energy body like the aura and the Universe energy like the impact of planets’ energy on us. So, Human Design is a very complex system and yet, it reveals the simplicity of knowing our vessel (the body and its energy) and our Inner Self.

What Human Design Can Tell Us?

If you get your FREE Rave Chart at http://www.jovianarchive.com, you’ll discover basic information about your Type, Profile, Not-Self Theme (in the other words, your dominant setback), Definition, Incarnation Cross and the most important part is your Authority.

Beyond the basic information, you have extra information from the whole chart and it is complex. The chart doesn’t explain everything in detail. You can either read and discover the information through the internet or you can get experts who knows Human Design to explain the chart for you.

Around the whole charts, Human Design can explain two main things about your entire energy system:

  1. The Openness centers. We called it Undefined Centers. These are the centers where you unconsciously live as Not-Self (the conditioned self).
  2. The Defined centers. These are your Authentic energy. You have the access to the energy around the clock. However, we normally unaware of our Define centers because our Openness centers are more overwhelming.

According to this finding, if we don’t know this knowledge, we might life our whole life through the conditioned self and thinking that’s who we are!

But is knowing this important?

It depends.

  1. People who are successful, doesn’t really go and find out their Human Design. That is because they already live their Authenticity Self in the first place. Human Design is just a platform that provides us the structured information about our Authenticity.
  2. If you are a Projector, it is essential that you learn about your signature. For some reasons, Projectors are those who always live as somebody else, they are the failures ones and they get sick before the age of 40s (I got sick by age 32).
  3. If you are the Manifestor, you should know how to control your thoughts.

The rest, I feel it is important for you to know who you are. What you will do with the information is up to you.

Is This What I Am? Does This Design Change from Time to Time?

This is your energetic signature. Just like your finger prints, it doesn’t change until you die (I was looking for politer word but naaah!). It says that if you experience Near Death or if you practice meditation for more than 30 years, it might change. But there’s not many information to explain in detail. So intuitively, I feel that the changes might happen on the gates.

Will You Like Your Design?

This is funny. The first time I came to know that I’m a Projector, I feel so down and frustrated. Hey! I run a business. I have a lot of ideas how to be successful. But Human Design says, I have to wait for the invitation! How could I wait?! I was screaming inside my head and I tried to convince myself that whatever Human Design was saying is a total crap!

Not long after that I found another article says that I need to sleep alone! I was having difficulties sleeping alone because I was afraid of darkness. I had nightmares! The first few weeks, knowing Human Design is a mood killer.

Then I saw the beauty in it. The clarity of Who I Am. The understanding of my flow and why I always imitate others. And I fall in love.

What is The Most Precious Information I Found About Myself?

All pieces of information are important for you. In my case, the most precious is knowing I’m on the right path. I started Your Personal Motivator coaching service because I love to help people. Turn out my chart revealed that would be an ideal path for me. Other than that, would be knowing my intuition channel, which lies in gate 57. And the chart also explain why I can see patterns and tap into insightful knowledge and how to share it with the world.

If you ever find out your Human Design, pay attention to the Strategy and Authority first. Live by that Design!

Friction is an Art of Bonding.

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There are so many ways where love comes around and relationships are built. Sometimes it comes around in some unexpected ways. It is illogical to say that relation could grow beautifully through a healthy confrontation, friction and tension. Process like this comes around, not just to test the strength of the relationship but bring up the growth through the friction.

First, let’s learn about friction because it is the door to passionate love and confrontation. We can learn about friction from the nature first. Before the plants can grow, the seeds will go through the friction, so it can emerge from underneath the soil. The plants within its intelligence knew that to survive, it must get the sunlight. Farmers musts wait for the seeds to turn into sprouts itself.

The seeds must go through friction itself. All plants and flowers that we see around us went through some friction, just to exist beautifully in this world.

In human, friction happens in many ways. When two people wanting to know each other, our auric field will go through friction. The process is expressed through our behaviours and communication.

Try observing people who are in love and look at the way they are flirting. That is some form of friction. When one auric field wanting to co-exist in the same space with another auric field, we get friction. After all, we are energies in motion. Friction is inevitable.

Friction is an art of Bonding. Without friction, we have no interest to bond with others. We don’t have to learn about it. It comes naturally when our auric field in contact with others. Flirting is just one aspect of friction.

There are many more types of friction that can be expressed through individual behaviour. For example; if you see two people arguing, that is a friction too. Without it, there is no growth in human relationship. Just like the seeds.

The Glimpse of Inner Peace in the Speck of Dusts.

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Sky.jpgImage Source

Do you want to know how does Being in the Now feels like? Thanks to cinematography, we can catch the glimpse of how being in the Now looks like. Before that, I want you to understand three things.

  • First, whatever that you see in the movies, that is just a tiny glimpse of eternity. Movies can only narrow down specific aspect of the Now but it can never replace the actually feeling of being in the Now.
  • Second, most of the movies take us away from the Now. It drawn at least two of our senses (sight and hearing) away from being aware of the Now. However, there are movies that carry the message of Being in the Now and I’m going to name one of the movie.
  • Third, you may want to consider that The Now is not entirely time base. And it is not a concept too. The Now is the door to Inner Peace.

If you read the book The Power of Now, then this is easy for you to grasp the essence of being Presence totally in the Now. Slowly it is not difficult for you to taste the glimpse of Inner Peace. However, if you haven’t read this book, then you can mentally understand The Now through certain movies.

The Power Of Now-S.jpgImage Source

Microscopic of Dusts on the Big Screen.

Do you remember a movie called After Earth? There’s a scene where Kitai (played by Jaden Smith) lied down on the ground and facing his fear. He then became so presence in the moment where his fear dissolved, and his awareness are able to focus on little things like dusts floating in the air. The dusts are so vividly dancing in the air. The color (if I remember correctly) were gloomy and yet the cinematography brought up the moment of peace through Kitai’s breathing.

Breathe&Dust.jpgImage Source

And that’s the part I remembered because it gives the glimpse of inner peace. And I could say that because when we are in the Now moments, everything we see, touch, hear, smell and taste become vividly alive. That aliveness is Inner Peace.

Although what we see in the movie may not even accurately portray ‘moment of now’, but intellectually we see the fragment of Inner peace and also the glimpse of living without fear.

Fear Cannot Survive in the Now.

Why are we relating fear with being in the Now? In the After Earth, the reason Ursa cannot sense the presence of General Cypher Raige (played by Will Smith) is because Cypher Raige is being totally presence in the Now where fear in this system is dissolved.

Whether we realise it or not, we are caught in a web of fear; mostly created through our mind. That increases the state of anxiety in us. To reduce the anxiety is to reduce the mental fear. It takes practise to face fear by being in the now. This can be done by shifting our focus to our body and breathe the moment. This can be the most boring activity to our mind but not to our Awareness, certainly not to our body. This is also a form of meditation.

Remember that fear cannot consume you when you are fully presence. Fear cannot kill you when you are at peace with your Self. Anxiety is a by-product of mental fear. Therefore, don’t fight the anxiety. Don’t fight the fear too. Instead be gentle to what you feel and be presence in feeling the fear.

I’ve been practising to be in the Now moment from time to time. All I can say is, fear is not longer a mental torture for me. Instead, fear serve its purpose for my survival in the correct way. I enjoy my moments where I can feel the aliveness in the blades of grass, the dancing dusts in the air and many more.

If you want to experience Aliveness, Joy and Inner Peace, the only way to do it is to be presence in the Now. If you think the glimpse of Inner Peace in After Earth looked stunning and beautiful, wait until you experience the real Inner Peace in you.

If you like my post and the photo-stories, would you buy me a coffee? You can Buy Me a Coffee by click here: http://ko-fi.com/roseosman. It will be spent on educations fees and books.  Thank you for supporting me on this journey.

You can find the original post in my Steemit account.

Lesson of Letting Go from the Cats – Our Zen Masters

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This is a story that happened about 2 months ago.

“Adopter wants to take Oren tonight instead of tomorrow. I can tell you how attachment feels like. It makes my heart feel heavy to let go.
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So let’s talk about attachment. We build this feeling everyday to people we love, to our pets, to our materials. Is this love? This is human love. There is a thin line between love and the urge to possess. Attachment that turns into possession is one form of suffering.

Attachment serve its purposes to connect us, at least to average human who have not yet enlighten (including me). And we know better. When we couldn’t let go; we suffer.

At first I said no to adoption tonight and thinking that I do better tomorrow. Then I took a moment to understand this feeling better. Oren, Cerah (means Bright) and Melancholy (these are the cats names) are the expression of Consciousness. If you like to relate to God, they are a fragment of God’s essence of Love. Through them we can see how Life being playful, how life creates balance and so much more to learn. Most important is; through them we get to see ourselves better.
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Attachment happens. We are just human. What we can do best is acknowledge the attachments. And when time comes to let go; do it with Love so suffering don’t consume our heart and Soul.

So I already gave my kisses to Oren. And I asked the mama cat (Melancholy) and Cerah to be ready to let go. Surprisingly Melancholy walked us to the gate and when Oren left, she walked back to Cerah.
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This Love feels like heaven. Eckhart Tolle was right. They are great Zen Masters. We are blessed to host them even just for a while. To our adopters, Thank you.”

Thank you for letting me put the words here.
Good night.

p/s : If you like my post and the photo-stories, would you buy me a coffee? Click this link: http://ko-fi.com/roseosman. It will be spent on educations fees and books.  Thank you for supporting me on this journey.

Meet Our Zen Masters

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Look at these faces. One of the language of Love. If meditation is difficult for you, stare at these faces and breathe. You will feel Love. Then you wanna kiss them and talk to them and hugs them and call them your babies 🙂

Even they just gonna be around for a while, their presence make so much different to us. And Eckhart Tolle was right. They are the Zen Masters.