Letting go a hurtful relationship is not easy. Many people choose not to let go because of this feeling; letting go makes them weak, alone and vulnerable. It is true that no one wants to be in a dark tunnel where darkness crawls up all over their feeling. The burden of uncertainties after the break up is unbearable, especially after damages done in the relationship. No one wants to bare the energy drain from the hurtful dramas.
People choose to forget but not forgive (because forgiveness is not easy too). So the next day they hear nothing about dramas. They believe that things are patching up and getting better. They want to believe that they are healing until few days later, or few weeks later, they were caught in the same dramas again, trap in the same arguments again and heartache hold them hostage once more.
The scenario I described above are the same scenarios that majority of the population are going through in a hurtful relationship. They choose to remain in the hurtful relationship because they simply fear of letting go. It is true that letting go is never easy. However, it can be achievable if all of us know the secret keys of letting go:
Key #1: Knowing that Hurtful Relationship is a Choice.
Pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice. A hurtful relationship like abusive spouse, mentally and emotionally drama queen or king or even a cheater can cause pain to the people in the relationship. No one can avoid the pain. However, accumulation of pain leads to suffering. The fine line between pain and suffering is the choice we make to accumulate the pain or to walk away from the relationship (for relationship that has no hope to heal).
Key #2: Clarity and Courage.
Once we understand the different between pain and suffering, clarity will open the door for courage to emerge to the surface. Clarity is the power. Courage is hope. To get here, we must first make our choice.
Key #3: Self Love.
The fact is no one can love us until we love our-self unconditionally; which means we love our-self with forgiveness, accept our weaknesses and flaws, self-respect and many more. People tend to ask, doesn’t self love sounds like being an egoistic person? The answer is no. Self love is a love we give towards our-self without judgment. For example; we know that we are facing hurtful relationship. Instead of bashing and cursing our spouses, we accept that we are in the worst relationship at the present moment.
- We know that, by cursing him/her, we are cursing our-self in return.
- We know that; by forgiving our-self for being in the hurtful relationship, our strengths (to walk through or walk away from the hurtful relationship) are growing within us.
Key #4: Respect.
Respect cannot be demand, it can only be earned. That didn’t just apply for others but for self too. If we want to be respected in the relationship; we must first respect our-self enough by not putting our-self in the hurtful relationship repeatedly.
Key #5: Have Faith.
What could be worse than staying in hurtful relationship? To see and feel a joyful and happy life is to believe that joy and happiness exist. How can we see and feel joyful and happy life when we are facing hurtful relationship and on-going dramas in the relationship for 247? Remember this; joyful and happy life happens when we are ready to live our lives in a joyful and happy ways.
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